Minor Adjustments

I've always been very aware of my body: I can feel a headache coming on typically about an hour before it hits (just enough time to prevent it!), I know when I'm ovulating, I can feel when my body temperature is slightly higher than it should be, and when my sugar levels are getting out of whack, I know long before the standard symptoms start in. So it's not surprising to me that I had a hunch that Friday morning, and it's less surprising to me that I was right. It's also not at all surprising to me that I noticed the breast tenderness from very early on, and that I'm already finding myself avoiding certain foods because they just don't have the same effect on me they usually have.

I keep thinking SURELY most of this is in my head. I mean, most women don't even KNOW by this point in their pregnancies that they've conceived! They would just now start thinking, "Hmm... I'm a little late this month. Should I take a test?" But here I am, breasts constantly sore and aching, sensitive to even the touch of my bra, and the smell of certain foods making my stomach turn. I'm just afraid that if some of my symptoms are psychological, then what will life be like for poor Asher when the "real" ones hit?? Then again, maybe I'll be lucky and this will be as bad as it gets in terms of morning sickness and food aversions... I'm crossing my fingers! ;o)

So far, the pregnancy is having very little affect on my daily life, but everything seems drastically different. I drink more fluids and avoid certain foods that I keep reading could be dangerous for Baby (brie and other soft cheeses, deli meats, caffeine, eggs and meat that aren't fully cooked through, etc), and it seems like every tiny decision I make when meal time rolls around has the potential to have a tremendous impact! I don't want to take any chances, so I'm just the teensiest bit (insanely) paranoid about my food.

I feel tired most of the time. I know it could have something to do with surging hormones and whatnot, but I keep telling myself it's due more to a complete absence of my favorite drug (caffeine) in my diet, that Baby's just too little yet to have that much impact on my energy levels. That being said, I'm finding myself in the restroom every 2 hours like clockwork--which is more than a little annoying, I might add--from (according to my readings) increased blood flow and efficiency of the kidneys. So maybe Baby is more powerful than I'm giving him/her credit for! :o)

I keep finding myself in a sort of dream state, where I just can't believe this is really happening. It all seems so surreal, and I want it so bad that I'm afraid to let it become REALLY REAL to me, for fear that something will happen and, God forbid, I'll miscarry. I keep trying to distance myself... But that's really rather difficult to do when you can feel this tiny energy inside you! It colors my view of the world, too. When I feel myself starting to get angry or upset about something, I remember Baby... And I remember that I'm not living this life for myself anymore. There is something amazing at work, and I'm a part of it, and that really just makes everything that much more bearable.

Asher talked to Baby last night. He lifted my shirt in bed and put his face against my abdomen, talking to Baby. He also kissed Baby several times. I could have cried, I was so happy. I can't wait to see what he does when my belly's swollen and full and the world can see the miracle growing inside me!